Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
