hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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