This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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