Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
