dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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