She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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