Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
