oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
