Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
