You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
