Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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