Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
