Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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