Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
