Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i think i just lost a toe
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
