New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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