and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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