grandma shit on top of the toilet
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
