i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
