i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
