so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
