Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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