carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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