you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
COCAINE IS GR8
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
