nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
