i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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