I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
