Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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