The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
