he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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