I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
