so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
