My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
