the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want a musical about memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
