Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
