Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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