Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
