I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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