Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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