We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
