We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
