just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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