you're like a bully in the Christmas story
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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