My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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