Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
