he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
