just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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