All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
