You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
