I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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