I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
