JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
