i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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