idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize