Even the bartender felt bad for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
