I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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