she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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