I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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