She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize