So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
