Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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