Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize