I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
