I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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