I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
