i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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