im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
