You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
