she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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