John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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