Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
