wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
