im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
