I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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