doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
