my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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