piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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