Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
