If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
